1-2-1: The conditions you're creating

Three patterns keep showing up in coaching: the leader whose team won't step up, the director who can't get honest feedback, the VP burning out while complaining about workload.

In each case, some of it is outside their control. Not all of it. Jerry Colonna asks a question that gets at the rest: "How have I been complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"

1 Principle

Most of the conditions you're frustrated by, you're also sustaining.

This isn't about blame. It's about agency. If a condition exists only because of external factors, you're stuck. If you're contributing to it, you have a way in. The shift is from "why is this happening to me?" to "what am I doing that keeps this in place?" That's not a comfortable question. But it's the one that actually moves things. Taking radical ownership for your part is more empowering than waiting for circumstances to change.

2 Things Top of Mind

#1 The leader who wanted ownership

I was coaching a founder who was frustrated that his team wouldn't make decisions without him. Every call, every prioritisation, every trade-off came back to his desk. He wanted them to step up. When we looked closer, the pattern was clear: whenever someone made a call he disagreed with, he'd reverse it. Publicly. Within a day. He wasn't asking for ownership. He was asking for mind-reading. The team had learned exactly what he'd taught them.

This week: Pick a frustration you've voiced more than once. Write down one thing you might be doing that reinforces it. Not what others are doing wrong. What you're doing that sustains it.

#2 The feedback that stopped coming

You ask for honest feedback. Your team gives it. You explain why they're wrong, or why the context is more complex than they realise, or why you've already considered that. You're not defensive. You're just clarifying. But from their side, the message is: don't bother. Next time, they'll edit before they speak. And you'll wonder why no one tells you the hard things anymore.

This week: Think about the last time someone gave you critical feedback. What did you do in the 30 seconds after they finished? If you explained, justified, or corrected, that's the behaviour to change. Try: "Thank you. Let me sit with that."

1 Question

How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don't want?